Today's Muse: The Dust Menagerie

I had no idea I had so much rubbish lying around.

Packing my room is proving to be ridiculously difficult. I am half-tempted to just burn it all and start over.

At first I would look at something and think, "Well, I could use that." and "This needs to be scrapbooked" etc. etc. I got nowhere, of course. Telling that little sentimental bit of me to whine somewhere else, I threw out half-a-ton of garbarge with all the ruthlessness of... I don't know. I am bloody tired, that's what.

Sleeping doesn't help anymore; I wake up feeling more exhausted then ever. It's the dreaming. Vivid, intensely-coloured dreams. Nonsensical stuff. Pints of cream. Mirror shards. Horses on upside-down circus tents. My brain refuses to settle at night, and seems to go to sleep during the day.

All around me people are preparing for something; moving, exams, work, doomsday, birth, etc. Looking to the future; planning for tomorrow. On the news one is bombarded by the apparently ever-increasing problems... God, this is worst than my nine-year-old attempt at philosophy.

And through it all, I am simply apathatic towards the whole issue. Issues. There are two layers, y'see, the Outer, and the Inner. More superficial feelings, like the gratification at finally getting that book, or laughing with friends, are of the outer. The core, the inner, are for deep-seated emotions, like, love I suppose. (Love is very much up to arguement; we haven't stopped debating.)

Superficially I function superbly. I laugh, I cry, I get angry. But underneath it all I feel apathatic. Towards the impending exams, I just feel as though I don't care. The future in general, I couldn't care less. An irresponsible motion, of course.

How many words can one use to describe emptiness?

This is supposed to be Nirvana; one feels no pain, one feels no hapiness.

It isn't. The core still can be affected; I just am more aware of the empty periods. Oof. This is ridiculous; mountains out of molehills.

Today was salvaged by the words "meadowsweet" and "jiggery-pokery", courtesy of Times-Chambers 1993.